Final Farewell to Our Friend

Hey Bloggies~

Hoping that this finds you all well. I am doing better than I was the other day with regard to John. As morbid as this may sound I needed the funeral yesterday because I felt like I was in a state of suspension prior to it...

Let me tell you about the day if you will… Well first,myself and some of the other ladies met for coffee where we reminisced a bit about our John and then we gathered ourselves and went to Manna Church for the viewing/funeral. When we got to Manna there was about 45 minutes left in the viewing. We were fortunate that when we got there the line wasn’t too terribly long so we were able to greet Niv and Tony. Niv was amazing. She had such grace and poise and in the midst of her grief was comforting so many of Johns friends who were grieving. Tony looked really sharp in his sheriffs uniform. John was so proud of him and I was so glad that he was alive to see him graduate from the academy. Johns casket was open and I was so afraid to see him laying there. Up until that moment that I did see him in there I kept thinking this was all not real and that he was going to jump up and do his, “whoooohooooo!” I know that isn’t the case. He is gone. Forever. We will never see him again at cross fit or Designs In Fitness. He didn’t look like our John. We could see the cakey makeup and he just looked hollow. I suppose that is fitting because I know that it was only his shell that was in that casket. Niv told me and everyone else to forget what we saw in the casket because our John is what we have in our memories. She told me that John was really proud of us. She said what I needed to hear and in her grief she blessed me. John was buried in a CFCF t-shirt, his cross fit baseball cap was in the casket with him and although we couldnt see them I'm sure his super short green shorts. Totally fitting. Ali and a few other people gave wonderful eulogies. In Ali's grief she memorialized John in a way that those who barely knew him knew of his passion and his kindness. She did a great job and I know she will continue to build Johns business in the way he would want it. I was particularly touched by Tony’s eulogy because he talked about what a wonderful step-father John was to him among other things. It made me respect and love John even more to know he was a good step-father.
The ministers at Manna gave a great message and the choir sings beautifully. They sang, Amazing Grace, My Chains Are Gone and it was so incredibly good. John was part of Manna’s choir and from what I heard he was a great singer with a powerful baritone voice. Anyhow, after the service we went to the cemetery with the processional and John had some military honors. They played taps and gave Niv the flag. According to the funeral program John was part of 3rd group here at Bragg. I always figured he would have been high speed. When the graveside service was over all the cross fitters did one last burpee for the big guy. It was so great and Niv and Tony were so tickled and touched by it. I am posting the pictures of us doing it.
After we left the ceremony we went to IHOP for lunch. There was about a dozen or a bit more of us and we had such a good time talking and sharing our memories of John. We talked about how proud he was of us and that he really did celebrate our accomplishments. He was so funny and so genuine. I am going to really miss him. There was nothing inappropriate in this but I loved him. He was a good guy and he did so much for me in that he helped me believe I could do anything I set my mind to. I pushed myself harder physically than I ever have in part because of him. Anyhow, I hope that I can continue to do him proud. He deserves nothing less.

When I got home from IHOP I changed my clothes into sweats and then went to Food Lion and got some produce. At 6:00 I made myself some stir-fry with crabmeat and then had a vita top with cream on it. I made good choices yesterday which is a huge victory for me because when I am down I usually feed my face. That evening though I fought the urge to eat just to eat. I won though and in the end made myself some hot cocoa and told myself that it is counterproductive to the results I desire to feed my face for any reason other than hunger. Yay! John would have been so proud of me. I bet he is smiling down on me now but thinking that instead of cocoa I should have done some thrusters or burpees:)

Goodbye John. I know you are in a wonderful place and I am so blessed to have known you. You touched my life and forever changed me. I will miss you very much. <3 you~