I gotta feeling

that this is it for me! I think I may have hit the jackpot on what works for me as far as losing/keeping off weight. What is this magical trick you ask? Well, its counting calories and keeping fat down to a reasonable level. It works well with WW but I found that if I count points I am starving. Lets face it, on 20 points I am not getting enough food. So, I went back to Core which I love love love but I was not really losing since I have what I like to call portion distortion. Actually I think this is a WW term. Anyhow, I started weighing and measuring things like meats and grains again and have seen the scale budge. I upped my veggies quite a bit and I also looked up how many calories I should be taking in to LOSE weight with my activity level and age. Its right around 1500. Now, to compare this to points I got out an old food journal where I was given 21 points and I looked up all the calories for three days. Whoa, I was eating a measly 1000 calories per day or thereabout. Now, of course this is going to cause me to lose initially which it did but what happened later when I hit goal and was able to supposedly raise my calories to maintain my weight was that I gained and then I held on to every single pound. This is not a good thing to severly deprive yourself of calories. So, I now have been trying to get in 1400/1500 calories of clean food a day. I feel lighter and people are noticing. I havent weighed in yet but on Tuesday I will see if the last two weeks have rewarded me with my new behavior. The 130's are within my reach if I can stay true to doing what I know is right.

The last two crossfits have been so hard. I was smoked each time. I loved it. I missed John so much though. Its strange that he isnt there. Ali is so great though. She is a good trainer and she too cares about seeing you succeed so I think it is just going to come down to being used to the Tuesdays and Thursdays NOT being JV's groups. I think about John a lot. I thought about him at the grocery store the other day when I was going to buy Captain Crunch. LOL. He hated the fact that I love cold cereal. IN the end, I didnt buy it.

Paul should begin his journey home for R&R in about 2 weeks. I miss him so much. This deployment has been the worst separation we have ever had for me. He is ready for the break too. He has been discouraged a bit and so hopefully when he comes home and gets recharged he can go back and take on the second half of the deployment with a fresh attitude so that it isnt so grinding for him.

Hopefully in the fall he will finally be promoted. I dont want to go into this right now because the army has totally pissed me off on this delay. Acutally, it isnt the Army's fault, its his units fault. Specifically his S1 but what do they care since it isnt their job. At least his SCO and CSM were really working hard to ensure that he got promoted or I would have been even more pissed off.

well, I suppose thats it in a nutshell for now. I am taking it easy today. Maybe I will stay in jammies all day or maybe I will head to the outlet mall in Smithfield... I dont know yet.

Updates come again on weigh in day! TTFN

Final Farewell to Our Friend

Hey Bloggies~

Hoping that this finds you all well. I am doing better than I was the other day with regard to John. As morbid as this may sound I needed the funeral yesterday because I felt like I was in a state of suspension prior to it...

Let me tell you about the day if you will… Well first,myself and some of the other ladies met for coffee where we reminisced a bit about our John and then we gathered ourselves and went to Manna Church for the viewing/funeral. When we got to Manna there was about 45 minutes left in the viewing. We were fortunate that when we got there the line wasn’t too terribly long so we were able to greet Niv and Tony. Niv was amazing. She had such grace and poise and in the midst of her grief was comforting so many of Johns friends who were grieving. Tony looked really sharp in his sheriffs uniform. John was so proud of him and I was so glad that he was alive to see him graduate from the academy. Johns casket was open and I was so afraid to see him laying there. Up until that moment that I did see him in there I kept thinking this was all not real and that he was going to jump up and do his, “whoooohooooo!” I know that isn’t the case. He is gone. Forever. We will never see him again at cross fit or Designs In Fitness. He didn’t look like our John. We could see the cakey makeup and he just looked hollow. I suppose that is fitting because I know that it was only his shell that was in that casket. Niv told me and everyone else to forget what we saw in the casket because our John is what we have in our memories. She told me that John was really proud of us. She said what I needed to hear and in her grief she blessed me. John was buried in a CFCF t-shirt, his cross fit baseball cap was in the casket with him and although we couldnt see them I'm sure his super short green shorts. Totally fitting. Ali and a few other people gave wonderful eulogies. In Ali's grief she memorialized John in a way that those who barely knew him knew of his passion and his kindness. She did a great job and I know she will continue to build Johns business in the way he would want it. I was particularly touched by Tony’s eulogy because he talked about what a wonderful step-father John was to him among other things. It made me respect and love John even more to know he was a good step-father.
The ministers at Manna gave a great message and the choir sings beautifully. They sang, Amazing Grace, My Chains Are Gone and it was so incredibly good. John was part of Manna’s choir and from what I heard he was a great singer with a powerful baritone voice. Anyhow, after the service we went to the cemetery with the processional and John had some military honors. They played taps and gave Niv the flag. According to the funeral program John was part of 3rd group here at Bragg. I always figured he would have been high speed. When the graveside service was over all the cross fitters did one last burpee for the big guy. It was so great and Niv and Tony were so tickled and touched by it. I am posting the pictures of us doing it.
After we left the ceremony we went to IHOP for lunch. There was about a dozen or a bit more of us and we had such a good time talking and sharing our memories of John. We talked about how proud he was of us and that he really did celebrate our accomplishments. He was so funny and so genuine. I am going to really miss him. There was nothing inappropriate in this but I loved him. He was a good guy and he did so much for me in that he helped me believe I could do anything I set my mind to. I pushed myself harder physically than I ever have in part because of him. Anyhow, I hope that I can continue to do him proud. He deserves nothing less.

When I got home from IHOP I changed my clothes into sweats and then went to Food Lion and got some produce. At 6:00 I made myself some stir-fry with crabmeat and then had a vita top with cream on it. I made good choices yesterday which is a huge victory for me because when I am down I usually feed my face. That evening though I fought the urge to eat just to eat. I won though and in the end made myself some hot cocoa and told myself that it is counterproductive to the results I desire to feed my face for any reason other than hunger. Yay! John would have been so proud of me. I bet he is smiling down on me now but thinking that instead of cocoa I should have done some thrusters or burpees:)

Goodbye John. I know you are in a wonderful place and I am so blessed to have known you. You touched my life and forever changed me. I will miss you very much. <3 you~

Death of a Wonderful Human Being

Hey Bloggies,
As I type this entry I do so with a heavy heart. My trainer, friend, and all around good guy, John Velandra was killed when his car was struck by a stolen truck during a high speed chase on Wednesday. I cant even begin to tell you how much John affected my life in only the 7 short months I have known him. I can honestly say that I loved the man. His compassion, energy, passion for his calling and his genuine concern for everyone made him stand out to everyone. He had this way of motivating and inspiring you to want to be better and he did this without belittling you or making you feel like your progress was going too slow. John knew my struggles with my weight and he hated that I stressed so much over the number on a scale but he tried to help me in reaching my goals and never once made me feel like I was a loser even though he didnt often agree with my beliefs on that matter.
John was truly a stellar human being and I will miss him. His death has affected me more than I ever thought possible. As I type this I find myself once again tearing up and wonder when the pain from his passing will subside enough that when I hear his name, walk into DIF or do a workout I wont start to fall apart.
This world lost a bright star on Wednesday and I lost a friend who I will always miss.